Geessshhh she's here then she's NOT

Sorry about that, I quit in the middle of my MIL Drama but ..I had back surgery, I have degenerative disc disease and I fell in the winter and surgery now, I shall be back as the famous words were said .. feeling better, able to move around more, drugs are awesome..

After a handful of Blood Pressure pills and some Tequilia..

I couldn't believe what I was hearing as I walked out of the bathroom.

I have to explain why my hubby tolerates his "mother's" behavior the way he does.

First, my hubby was abandoned as a child. His grandparents who were old old at the time came to the house where hubby, his brother and their sperm donor & egg supplier (for the lack of better names for people that would abandon children) lived, to get the boys, after a neighbor called and said the boys had been alone for days.

The grandparents raised the boys for a couple years but they were getting really old and couldn't handle raising 2 hell raising boys. So social services was called and the boys were placed in foster care. One was placed with their maternal aunt, my hubby was placed with a complete stranger, because the maternal aunt did not want them both.

Second, my husband lived in foster care for almost four years, when his father and his new wife (MIL) showed up to get hubby. After going through the channels MIL adopted hubby, his brother chose not to be adopted and has not kept in touch with his family. Anyways, not too long after he was adopted by MIL, hubby's sperm donor left MIL. MIL raised hubby even after the sperm donor disappeared from their life. They did not have anything. MIL often had to go to food pantry and salvation army but she still raised hubby and SIL. Hubby said as they were growing up since his mother didn't cook, she would go to food pantry and take the food over to her best friends house, the best friend would cook almost every meal. They even lived for a while with the friend, even today hubby sends birthday cards to that friend.

My hubby is surprisingly even tempered, fun, loving, warm and basically happy man despite his childhood. His "mother" has always been eccentric but not in a harmful way, just in a bizzare way, does that make sense? I hope so, because I don't know how else to describe her, other than what you all who have been reading for a while know about her, she's unique in her own "special" way.

Now, MIL was patting hubby's hand and ex BIL patted his shoulder, he looked at me with his fourteen shades of red upon his face, then at MIL and said," What the hell is wrong with your head?" His mother looked at him as if he had slapped her face. MIL said," Now youngin don't you be speakin at me that way." Hubby said," oh !!!( surprised look on face) I can't speak to you but you can ask me for money!!! That son of a bitch sits on his ass all day and does nothing!!! First, he knocks up my sister then leaves her with his kid and hooks up with my mother to sponge off her."

Just then BIL made the fatal error of trying to speak." Now don't you be..." Hubby turned and looked at him and said," You better shut your mouth right now Jim Jam ( not his real name but close) or I will knock what's left of your friggin teeth down your friggin throat, you friggin piece of shit."

OKAY, my mouth fell open, I am still standing in the hallway outside the bathroom door and thinking to myself, self, you just walked into the twilight zone, the world had to have changed in the two minutes you used the restroom. My husband never looses his temper and especially with his crazy mother.

As ex- BIL stood up and as hubby stood and MIL grabbed her walking cane to stand I rushed over and said, "we're going to town I need tylenol." MIL says," I got tylenol" I responded with "yeah but nothing strong to wash it down with" as I was dragging hubby out the door. Hubby was cussing under his breath and I could hear ex BIL telling MIL that hubby shouldn't be talking to him" thata way cuz I was bein nice by not throwin him a punch." MIL was yellin at ex- BIL,
"what the hell is the matter with you now we ain't gettin nothin."


Yeah there's more.... I have to stop, going through it once was bad, but to write it down...geeessshh..but this is my hubby's family, I don't have to love them, but I do love him.

Wandering the past 2 weeks in a delirious state

Well, the Queen has ventured to a planet, so far beyond her planethotflash and she has witnessed behavior that has changed her soul.
We visited MIL.

MIL called and ask that hubby and I come to her home ASAP
I looked at hubby and asked do I hafta, yeah I actually said hafta.
He looked back at me lovingly and said, " No *sigh* you really don't *sigh* have to go but I *sigh* should, she sounded like she was having some problems *sigh*."

After searching my life for a plausible excuse, I could not find one, so I responded," No, *sigh* I wouldn't do that to you my love *sigh*"

So off we went to Misery

Upon arrival there she stood, at the entryway of her apartment complex, in a Jean skirt, red flip flops and a halter with big orange flowers, My MIL, waving to park in the back because the old people need the front spaces. So we parked a block away and hubby hauled the luggage to her apartment.
On our way up, we were introduced to anyone that would stand still long enough to say hello.

Inside the apartment the temperature had to be at least 80 with no air or fans on. And low and be hold, there sat ex brother-in-law in gym shorts, no shirt and watching the Goonies. I looked at hubby and he ignored my looks.
Since there was only one bedroom in MIL apartment, which hubby assumed we would have, because MIL as in the past would sleep on the sofa because she always insisted we stay with her, anyway she explained since ex B-I-L would be "sleepin thar" we would have to make a pallet on the floor of the living room. So hubby told her we would stay in a hotel and she started bawling a storm and said that her son wouldn't even spend time at home with her.

Um, Yeah, drama queen.

Of course, hubby felt guilty for making her cry, said we would stay one night with her and the next night at a hotel. The well dried up then. He whispered to me that I could have the couch and he would do the floor, I looked sideways at him and said you bet your sweet ass, then smiled.
Then MIL asked what we would like her to order for dinner. She doesn't cook, never, ever, my hubby said she never cooked anything when he was young either,after great debate pizza was decided on. While waiting for dinner to arrive, we had the astute privilege of listening to ex b-i-l explain to hubby about his relationship with MIL. He began his lecture series with, how hubby shouldn't have," no hard fellins" and that he (ex b-i-l) was going to " take right good kair of her." I had to go use the restroom because I was sure that the "you don't have to call me Daddy" speech was next. As I came out of the bathroom, I couldn't believe what was actually being said by that fool ( ex B-I-L) , no it wasn't about marriage and no it wasn't about being hubby's daddy. It was this,

Your Mama and I wanna buy us a house and we was wonderin if you all could loan us the down payment.

Hubby's face turned fourteen, yes there are fourteen, shades of red. His mother said," now honey, we know you got it and we ain't, so we figured you'd wanna help us get up on our feet."

To be continued

Happy Mother's Day !!!

I hope your day is filled with love, laughter and smiles

How NOT to Answer a Jury summons

Read the Whole Story here... the dumbass

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2009/0430091jury1.html

A View From My Front Door..

Hubby and I were sitting out on our porch enjoying the warm Kentucky sunshine. I was reading the Sookie Stackhouse books and my husband looking at the newspaper. When our elderly neighbor, a man who delights in tormenting the neighborhood by being the king of blight. Not only that he drinks and parks his pickup sideways in the street with the doors open, hangs the United States flag upside down, ( which makes my husband, a vet, so pissed off he goes over when the man is away and hangs it upright) decided to take a shit in his front yard.
Oh but it gets better, he decided to make sure someone was watching namely us, he looked out across the street his hand above his eyes to block the sun, looked directly at us and proceeded to undo his pants. My hubby noticed him first, Hubby said, Tell me that son of a bitch is not going to flash us and just then I look up to see this fellow drop his boxers and squat. I couldn't say anything... for me that is something, the man took a huge shit in the front yard, wipe his ass with a cloth and jumped up pulled up his pants and stuck the fucking cloth in his pocket. My hubby was pissed beyond words he yelled at him what a sick fucker he was and the man just waved at him.
My hubby called the police they asked alot of question but it boiled down to we will patrol more often and keep an eye on him crap. Mean while our neighborhood get to see him use his front yard as a toilet.

ahhhhhh life in paradise

This isn't the Ritz ~You Don't Like it... Don't Come Back!

Sheriff Joe Arpaio (in Arizona) is doing it RIGHT!! He has jail meals down to 40 cents a serving and charges the inmates for them. He stopped smoking and porno magazines in the jails. Took away their weights. Cut off all but "G" movies. He started chain gangs so the inmates could do free work on county and city projects. Then he started chain gangs for women so he wouldn't get sued for discrimination.
He took away cable TV until he found out there was a federal court order that required cable TV for jails. So he hooked up the cable TV again but only let in the Disney channel and the weather channel. When asked why the weather channel he replied, so they will know how hot it's gonna be while they are working on my chain gangs.
He cut off coffee since it has zero nutritional value. When the inmates complained, he told them.....this is a good one......"This isn't the Ritz/Carlton. If you don't like it, don't come back."
He bought Newt Gingrich's lecture series on videotape that he pipes into the jails.
More on the AZ Sheriff:
With temperatures being even hotter than usual in Phoenix (116 degrees just set a new record), the Associated Press reports:
About 2,000 inmates living in a barbed-wire-surrounded tent encampment at the Maricopa County Jail have been given permission to strip down to
their government-issued pink boxer shorts. On Wednesday, hundreds of men wearing boxers were either curled up on their bunk beds or chatted in the tents, which reached 138 degrees inside the week before. Many were also swathed in wet, pink towels as sweat collected on their chests and dripped down to their pink socks. "It feels like we are in a furnace," said James Zanzot, an inmate who has lived in the tents for 1 1/2 years. "It's inhumane."
Joe Arpaio, the tough-guy sheriff who created the tent city and long ago started making his prisoners wear pink, and eat bologna sandwiches, is
not one bit sympathetic He said Wednesday that he told all of the inmates: "It's 120 degrees in Iraq and our soldiers are living in tents too, and
they have to wear full battle gear, but they didn't commit any crimes... so shut your damned mouths."

Copied from Local Kentucky Newspaper, after complaints about local jail facility was brought to the news, this article was then reprinted in the newspaper and then officials from the jail distributed the article amongst the prisoners in the local jail, complaints have been withdrawn.